Stay at home SO not pulling his weight

So stays at home during the day- works 3-4 hours in the evening. I work forty hours a week normal 9-5. SO does very little aside from keeping our DS alive and fed. Unless he’s shamed into it. More often than not I come home to a dirty house that I have to pick up. I get to spend 1 of the 4 waking outs I have with DS picking up our house. It gets old. I bring home the bigger paycheck, but I often feel I’m making most of the concessions.

When confronted or asked to do xyz he gets argumentative… claiming “it’s hard to get stuff done with a toddler”. It’s not rocket science. You wake up earlier, prep and schedule and multitask. Just get it done. By the time they roll out of bed I’ve been up for 4 hours. He has time and it can be done. When I bring up scheduling solutions, he picks it apart with more problems.

He feels that he needs more encouragement, and appreciation. I don’t have it. I’ve given it all to our DS. All of it- all the empathy, the coddling, the gold stars. I need him to grow a set and be an adult.

And the switch in traditional gender rolls has not been great for our sex life. I know it shouldn’t, and our situation is what it is… But it just does. I know I could be less demanding, more understanding but I’m having a hard time getting there. I need advice- has anyone gone through this? Is it mostly of phase from adjusting to a toddler? A different perspective?

Edit: a lot of you are offering different perspectives and it’s really helping me rethink how I approach it. But for the record, we tried the scheduled chore deal- even got him a calendar for the refrigerator with fun bright colors… it didn’t help. And I absolutely could get a maid once or twice a week and then be more resentful that family fun money has been slotted for house cleaning.

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