Jan 4, Military Retirement: You are not alone!

by Michelle/California

My ex and father of our 7 month old baby is in an angry, reckless, volatile spiral as well. We met at the end of his 23 year active duty service with an E9 ranking.

He called me his retirement gift and he quickly proposed and we quickly became pregnant. The year was a rough one to say the least as it was full of bouts of praising of how wonderful i was and then the next minute i was abusive, crazy, bipolar, etc.

i had our daughter and she was home 2 days before he screamed at me and called me a —ing idiot and a —— b**** because i didn’t want to rent a boat for Mother’s Day because i didn’t feel up to it. And it all went downhill from there.

We had just resigned a year lease on our 3500 sq ft 5 bedroom home when he bailed and bought the first house he saw (which has many many problems), he spent erratically and blew through $23,000 in a matter of months. He’s now been in his home for 6 months and is filing for bankruptcy.

When i try to help him, i am instantly the enemy, actually I’m the enemy in everything i do. I’m scared because we share a daughter together. He has 2 guns which are not locked in a gun safe. Our daughter lost her health insurance because there was no money in the account to cover the premium, i was at his house last week and we were looking to reconcile, he started having some issues with things in the house and flipped out and started snapping at me because he can’t afford to fix them.

It’s just a very very sad and scary situation. Yesterday i was called a leach and mooch (mind you i don’t receive one penny from him and never asked for anything) but i do have two disabled children from a prior relationship and one of them receives a benefit for in home care due to his severe impairment. I guess that makes me a leach ?

We met volunteering for special needs baseball as we both have disabled kids, my situation now is the same as it was then so how he fell in love with me if he despises my lifestyle so much is baffling. I fear for him and his kids. He is irrational, erratic, hypocritical, reckless and irresponsible these days. He was always the responsible one, making sure he met his kids needs before he did anything else, today he buys video games before he pays his bills and it’s very sad. His favorites are first person shooter games on the PS VR, i think he’s trying to relive his life in the service but who knows.

I wish there was a cure for post retirement trauma. If i knew how to snap him out of it, i would do it in a heartbeat. I also feel lost and heartbroken. I’m trying to find some peace. It is a very difficult road for everyone involved.

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